Adder wrote: I'd say manners are just being polite, rather then being flattery. To me manners are more like creating space (or acting with caution) in the absence of accurate information. It's not a lie, nor is it sarcasm (which is like fake flattery or fake manners) to me. I guess it boils down to intent, but to me manners inherently have good intent otherwise they are not manners but rather being facetious - which to me seems basically like sarcasm but with the a facade of being genuine. Which is why I associated them across to morals because manners seem only to be a problem when they stop you being able to express yourself, and that decision would be based off a conflict with ones moral position and circumstance of interaction.
Working in sales I know that mimicking a potential victim increases my chances of turning them into a victim. Politeness to them is is the adoption/observance of their standards, and that's what I do to get their business.
Other people have other standards. For example I find people who will encourage anything , pretend to support something they disagree with, etc, absolutely repulsive. In other words, what I do to earn money, I could never do to myself. I would throw myself out of my house. Politeness, manners, standards, whatever you want to name it... Are a weakness that is easily exploited. Preconceptions shape opinions, so he who controls one controls the other.
It's rife at totjo. Some people here go to great lengths to make it happen.
Isn’t that an absolute ?
In some cases the person you may be interacting with is like minded and there is no danger of rubbing them the wrong way. However others may get offended. My gym has a rule against audible music or singing. It should be common sense but had to be posted. Just because YOU like something doesn't mean everyone else needs to entertain it. Manners keeps us from having unnecessary conflicts.
This guy at the gym started a conversation with me one day. Now I avoid him like the plague. He's a great guy but he didn't know when to end the conversation because it wasn't about us having a conversation but rather more about him getting to talk. I literally got followed to the locker room and had to go to the sauna to get out of it. But I didn't want to be rude or make the guy feel unwelcome so I let it go on. And just because people tolerate these different behaviors doesn't mean they cannot wait to get the hell away from you.